My fiance and I want to involve my younger twin brothers who will be 15 at the time of the wedding , but he doesn't want them to be groomsmen. I think they could be wedding ushers, but someone told me there isn't a difference between an usher and a groomsman. Is this right? The usher-groomsman thing can be confusing. Some people use the terms interchangeably to refer to the men in the wedding party who stand up on the groom's side.
This is probably because groomsmen the guys who stand next to the groom at the altar often double as ushers the guys who seat guests as they arrive at the ceremony.
But you can choose to have guys who are not in the wedding party seat guests -- making them ushers and not groomsmen. Your year-old brothers could serve as ushers, seating guests including your mom, directly before the ceremony begins , or they could be junior groomsmen, which means they'd basically be groomsmen, only younger.
They would wear the same style of tuxes as the other guys, stand at the altar, and even escort bridesmaids or junior bridesmaids. They can also double as junior groomsmen and ushers. They can either stand with the wedding party or take their seats in the first pew with your parents -- any of these options will work.
Perhaps you should talk with your fiance and your brothers and see what will work best for you. Main Menu. Sign Up. Back to Main Menu. Planning Tools. Wedding Vision. Discover Your Vision. Take The Knot's Style Quiz. Reception Venues. Teach him to lead ladies, especially elder ladies, by holding their arm and leading them to their seat. Be sure they understand their demeanor and attitude must be composed and match the tone and formality of the wedding.
Junior groomsmen can escort the ladies of the bridal party down the aisle. Pair them with junior bridesmaids if possible. If there are no junior bridesmaids in the wedding party, the groomsmen can escort a bridesmaid for a treasured photo opportunity. The junior groomsman can also serve as an escort for the flower girl, which will prove to be another sweet photo opportunity.
If the junior groomsman is still in a "girls have cooties" mentality, he will not want to escort a girl down the aisle, but can serve as an escort and chaperon for the ring bearer, helping him with the process at the right moment and to behave during the ceremony.
Being at least a few years older that the ring bearer and flower girl of the wedding party could enable the junior groomsmen to supervise and informally babysit the youngsters during the rehearsal dinner, ceremony and reception. If you're having a sand-blending ceremony, kids can help with that process too. An older child might be asked to do a reading if he or she is particularly good at that sort of thing.
The potential roles for children in a wedding are endless so there's no good reason to force them into roles that are not age appropriate and risk making them feel silly. Also, you run the risk of having your wedding pictures look weird, for lack of a better way to phrase it. Many of my clients opt to host child-free or "adults only" destination wedding weekends for their friends and family.
They make it clear from the beginning that the little ones aren't included, and the only exception should be members of the wedding party, such as the flower girl or ring bearer. That's certainly their privilege, but be warned -- if you have some guests or family who are upset you aren't including their children, you may take a little heat for the wee ones in your wedding.
You don't have to take it -- that guest is totally out of line. But I've seen it happen. One absolutely insane uncle at a wedding actually emailed me that he'd heard there might be children in the wedding party there weren't and that it better not be true because IF there were, his daughter should be a flower girl.
Can you even imagine the nerve of a relative to email a veiled threat to the wedding planner? Seriously, A I'm not the bride, and B Back off rude guy -- you are so far out of line! And he was shocked that I forwarded his missive to the bride and groom. Sadly, lots of my clients include children ONLY because they've been told they had to by their parents adorable nieces and nephews, ya know or because they would hurt their friend's feelings if her little girl who happens to be the bride's goddaughter wasn't asked to be in the wedding.
It's frustrating because brides usually cave under that sort of pressure. They feel like it will forever hurt their relationships. And it isn't just about the children in the wedding party.
A groom I know recently forced my friend to have his younger cousin as a bridesmaid, despite the fact the bride had never met this cousin. The young lady was a pain in the ass from day one, long distance. And an even bigger disaster the wedding week. Get creative and create a message that he must decode, asking him to be the junior groomsman. And hey, there's nothing wrong with a simple card or in-person invite to be a part of the big day, too. Again, it comes down to age appropriateness as to whether you can gift your junior groomsman the same thing as the groomsmen.
Meaning, he can't have alcohol or cigars and he shouldn't have a weapon, even if it's for display. If the young man is a sports fan, there are a number of places that engrave footballs and baseballs with names and other info. More traditional keepsakes are common wedding party gifts, so you can always take that route. However, realize that a year-old boy might not appreciate an engraved money clip or pocket watch the same way the rest of the groomsmen would.
So perhaps add on something small just for him, like a toy. The role of junior groomsman is a great way to incorporate a younger sibling, nephew or child on your wedding day. A junior groomsman falls between the ages of a groomsmen and a ring bearer. He takes on many of the same roles as the groomsmen at the rehearsal dinner and the wedding day. Take cues from the groomsmen for his attire and be sure to show your appreciation for him with a gift. See tie colors in person before you buy with free fabric color swatches.
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